If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
