how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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