i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
