sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
porn star boner night. come get it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
