and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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