Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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