He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
