just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
