my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
