he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
