he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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