i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
