if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
