Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
