my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
