Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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