the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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