I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I look better un-naked...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
