Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
