Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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