He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
