just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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