whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
