the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
