this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
