sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize