just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
