i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
