Someone shit on the floor
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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