i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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