You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
