just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
