Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
