I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
