At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Randomize
