Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
