Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
