Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Let's paint friendship bongs
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
They are going to name an STD after you.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
