I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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