I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We smell like vodka and hangover
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