The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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