I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
