Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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