Tell her she can't have a vagina
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
