i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
