the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
