I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
