How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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