i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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