I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
