you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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