Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
