i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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