do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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