you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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