I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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