When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
