Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize