No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
