with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There are leaves in my underwear?
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