Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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