Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My vagina is officially offended.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
