i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
