the condom got lost in my hair
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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