Life is so much better after having sex.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We are two peas in an std pod
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
