maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
