for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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