Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize