I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
