theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
