i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
