I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
