Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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