Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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