can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
